12/7/2023 0 Comments Biff jesus fav![]() He is, of course, shocked about everything that got left out of the New Testament, like the thirty years that his gospel is about. Biff finds the Bible in his hotel room and hides it in the bathroom so he can read it while Raziel is watching TV (there was a moratorium placed on Biff finding out too much about present day and what became of Joshua so it didn’t influence his story). Raziel is not a particularly intelligent Angel (in fact, Moore also wrote another book about Raziel called The Stupidest Angel), and spends a lot of time watching soap operas, not understanding they aren’t real and wondering where Spider Man lives. Louis Hyatt Regency with Raziel, while he writes his gospel. The story also contains snippets from Biff’s sojourn in the St. After a brief stay of two years at the beach, they head home to Nazareth and that’s when the stuff everyone knows about starts. I don’t really believe that would happen, but then lots of unbelievable things happen, not the least of which is that whole lizard coming back to life in the Messiah’s mouth thing. Here Joshua learns yoga and at one point manages to put himself into a wine bottle. Then they go to India to spend time with the third wise man, Melchior, who lives in a cave on a cliff overlooking the ocean with a bunch of other monks. ![]() At that point they head off to the next Wise Man, Gaspar, who is living in a monastery in China. Turns out Balthasar is over two-hundred years old and owes that to Catch (who is the demon in another of Moore’s books, Practical Demonkeeping) but once the bond between them is broken when Josh kills Catch, Balthasar ages rapidly, then dies. At the end of their stay with Balthasar, Biff accidentally releases a demon named Catch from its prison in the fortress. They stay there for six years, and are quite happy. ![]() While Joshua learns the mysteries of Chinese philosophy and mysticism, Biff learns about sex with the concubines and making explosives. The first is Balthasar, who lives in a hidden fortress in the desert outside Kabul with eight Chinese concubines (hey, it’s a Christopher Moore book-Messiah or no, there’s gotta be some sex in it). When the boys are thirteen, they head off on a long journey to find the Three Wise Men of legend to see what they can teach Joshua about being the Messiah. There’s a good-natured love triangle here: Maggie loves Josh, and Biff loves Maggie, and Josh has sworn to be celibate (something about never knowing a woman that his Father makes him agree to). Shortly thereafter they meet Mary Magdalene, or Maggie, as she is called here. Biff first meets Josh when he witnesses him raising a lizard from the dead by putting it in his mouth then allowing his younger brother to kill it by beating it over the head with a rock. The action starts in Nazareth when Biff and Joshua are about six years old. It’s one of the things I should have asked him (8).” And in typical Christopher Moore fashion, things are a bit more irreverent and a bit less holy than one would expect, though I expect that’s obvious from the first quote I put in. It’s the Greek for messiah, a Hebrew word meaning anointed. Also, here Jesus is called Joshua or Josh, because according to Biff “Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. So Biff is raised from the dead and gets deposited in a hotel room with the Angel Raziel to write down the story of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection as he remembers it. And for one reason or another “The Son” decided that it was time for Biff to tell his story. The premise of this book is that Biff, whose real name is Levi bar Alphaeus, was Jesus’ best friend and constant companion during the period of Jesus’ life that doesn’t get a lot of page space in the gospels according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. ![]() So in honor of Lent, I picked Lamb: The Gospel according to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. And when I got to the shelf with the M’s, I said to myself, “Eureka! Christopher Moore! That’s the ticket!” But I had to choose a book with some historical merit it couldn’t just be any old Christopher Moore book. So I went into the room that contains my many piles of books, and I stared. And most importantly, something written during my lifetime. After many weeks of reading books by esteemed authors, many long dead, about subjects as diverse and often dismal (but beautifully written) as the collapse of families and marriages, Norweigan ladies who like to play with guns, and swamp-bound, incestuous Colombians, I needed to read something fun.
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